Tag Archives: stupid

Shark attacks obviously = a bunch of random body parts underwater

While I was laying in bed last night, I had a strange thought come to me (as they often do, honestly, I’ve since given up trying to understand how my brain works and why it thinks up the random and obscure crap that it does). I decided to share it with my boyfriend (who was just about to fall asleep next to me, and probably GREATLY appreciated me interrupting his slumber with my weird thoughts), but didn’t really get to explore it as much as I would have preferred. I wondered (aloud), when a shark attacks a person and removes a limb, what happens to the limb? Assuming it isn’t swallowed and digested.

But I know sharks don’t like the taste of human flesh, so I’d imagine they wouldn’t ingest it. Which makes me wonder what happens to it? Is the limb recovered? Because if I had a body part ripped off by a shark, and it didn’t eat it, I’d want it back if possible, y’know, in hopes of reattaching it and stuff.

This is clearly what it looks like underwater after a shark attack.

This is clearly what it looks like underwater after a shark attack.

Or if it isn’t recovered, where does it go? Does it just sink to the bottom of the ocean to be feasted upon by millions of marine organisms? I picture the ocean floor littered with various arms and legs, a graveyard of useless limbs. Eventually the “meat” would be eaten or dissolve, leaving only a broken, severed bone behind. Which then makes me wonder if scuba divers ever encounter a random human bone underwater. As a diver myself, I think it would be a little off-putting (although also a little AWESOME) to stumble across human remains underwater. I know I’m a weirdo for thinking any of this, and even less appealing as a normal person for putting it in digital form for millions to read and judge, but I don’t give a tiny rat’s ass.

Plus I had to share, how could I not? I mean really, where do all those severed shark attack pieces even go?!

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Why Valentine’s Day is (still) a pointless holiday

This time last year, I was happily in a relationship with someone I cared about and yet I still wrote my mini-rant about why Valentine’s Day is a pointless holiday. Because it is.

And this year, although I’m single, I wouldn’t say I’m any more bitter about this dumb holiday than I was when I was in love. I’m still about the same amount of bitter, except now I don’t feel so hypocritical about it. Because really, who wants to hear some lovebird go on and on about how much they can’t stand fake holidays about being in love? And you’re only getting the half of it; try being inside my head all day long. Exactly.

Moving on.

I’d honestly almost forgotten about this silly consumerist holiday (more so because I can’t keep track of what day it is and less-so because I don’t make it a point to remember stupid things like fake holidays, but that kind of negates my whole point, so scratch that).

But I’m always interested to see what crazy and not-so-crazy search terms people use to wind up at my blog (I still find it rather strange that someone, at some time, searched “how many people are in the pumba costume in disney on ice” and found my blog, but whatever). So while perusing the search terms section of my stats page, I noticed a spike in the number of times someone was redirected to my awesomely awesome blog after searching something like “Valentine’s Day pointless” or “stupid Valentine’s Day” or “is Valentine’s Day pointless blog” or, you get the picture. So then I remembered- tomorrow is Valentine’s Day (or today, for those of you ahead of me in time-zone-landia).

Holidays like Valentine’s Day just serve as a stark reminder of everything that is wrong with society. Like forcing someone to buy you presents to show you how much they love you, what is that about? Don’t you get enough presents on your birthday and Christmas? And if you want something that badly, go out and get a job and pay for it yourself, you spoiled, materialistic little thug.

And even if you don’t put a literal gun to their head and tell them to buy you something, there’s still the assumption on your part that they’re going to and the internal gun to their head telling them they have to. Or else. God forbid your lover doesn’t acknowledge you on Valentine’s Day. Think the world might have just come to an end (again).

I might have taken it a little too far just then, sorry about that. All this Valentine’s Day chocolate is going to my head.

All in all, though, Valentine’s Day is a pointless holiday, and I’m (still) mad at Hallmark for creating it and not hiring me to write greeting cards for them and basing their headquarters out of Kansas (seriously, who wants to live in Kansas, anyway?). I will just have to start my own Hallmark-like greeting card company and not base it out of Kansas and write anti-Valentine’s Day cards and shower my wit and cynicism all over the world (or at least over those dumb enough to buy my crap).

Until that happens, I’ll continue blogging about random nonsense in hopes that someone with an even more random search term fetish will stumble across my blog and give me something to really write home about. Something even crazier than “zoo animal mob sexxx.” With three x’s.

Couldn’t make this shit up if I tried.

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