Tag Archives: Hollywood

3 recently awful music videos (that should disappear from existence immediately)

In light of Miley Cyrus’s newest (god-awful) single, “We Can’t Stop,” and the music video to boot, I thought I’d do a quick post about really bad music videos. Because hers is one of many that are really, really terrible. No offense. But it is.

So for no particular reason other than to make fun of people I’ve never met, here are 3 recently awful music videos that should disappear from existence immediately.

3. Boyfriend – Justin Bieber

I cannot stand this song. Therefore I cannot stand the music video. Regardless of who produced it or how cool you might think he looks in it. For all you Beliebers out there, before you band together to hunt me down and rip my nails from my fingers (or whatever it is you do to JB haters), let me make something clear: I don’t hate the Biebs (other than the fact that I find him completely annoying). Good for him that he should be famous thanks to his YouTube videos and his boyish charm. Some of his songs are even catchy enough to make me dance along with on occasion. I try not to hate people so, although he may not be my cup of tea, I don’t actually despise him. But he was not meant to rap, so he should just stop right now. Because the intro to this song alone creeps me out so much I’d rather crawl down the well from The Ring and stay there rather than have to listen to a second more of it. And I’m sorry, “chillin’ by the fire while we eatin’ fondue”? REALLY???

2. Higher- Heidi Montag

I don’t know if this is supposed to be a music video or Heidi’s audition tape to be a Playmate. Either way, the song is not very good to begin with, but the music video makes it about 100 times worse. Her voice (when electronically enhanced) isn’t awful to listen to but this video hurts my eyes. A (clearly homemade) video of you dancing around on the beach erotically in your bikini for three and a half minutes does not qualify as a music video. It does, however, qualify you to end up on my list so good for you, I suppose. If I’m not mistaken, this video came out shortly after her (first or second or third) breast enhancement surgery (sorry, I can’t say boob job, it just doesn’t sound right coming from my mouth), so clearly this video was just an excuse to show off her new rack. Somehow I’m okay with saying that word instead, I don’t get it. Anyways..

1. We Can’t Stop- Miley Cyrus 

This music video is just a jumble of randomness Miley threw together in hopes of squashing her good-girl, Disney princess image in favor of a new, bad-girl, drugged-0ut-hooker version. Which, I must give her props, she does accomplish just that. But as far as music videos go, this one sucks. It doesn’t make any sense and the only reason she is doing any of the things she’s doing throughout the painful 3 minutes and 34 second video is for pure shock value, not to create any sort of visual art. She does sport a positive message at one point with her reference to “forget the haters/ cause somebody loves ya” but other than that, there’s too much sex, drugs and rock and roll in this song for it to be a good thing for any persons under the age of 21 to be listening to. Which, sorry to inform you, Miley (despite how hard you are trying to win over the older fans), about 98% of your fans are teenagers who want to be just like you (stripper moves and all). The other 2% are probably 50-something men who are bald and still live with their moms. Not really a good combination. I liked you better when you were a Disney tweenie bopper.

So that’s all for now. Because I don’t feel like wasting any more time talking about stupid things. Time to sit back, relax and await the hate mail. Cheers.

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Filed under Entertainment, Humor, Opinion, Uncategorized

Why I would make a bad celebrity

I just truly was not prepared for this!

Celebrities aggravate me.

They are out of touch with reality, and truly believe the laws and rules set for the rest of society simply do not apply to them. They act inappropriately and gain more recognition. They live above everyone else, setting bad examples and in turn causing 12-year-olds to dress like hoes, destroy valuable brain cells and overall become vapid and useless to society.

But despite their annoying-ness, there seem to be certain standards (or lack of standards) that come with the job, ones that I would never be able to uphold and thereby make me completely unsuited to prosper in the business. Why, you may ask?

I don’t do drugs. Don’t count on a long drawn-out court case fighting my latest DUI, bouts of rehab or an E! True Hollywood story documenting my long, difficulty journey from coke head to star citizen.

I always wear underwear. No chance of the paparazzi gettin’ a shot of this kooka.

I would actually make time for my fans. There’s no way I’d let someone else manage my Facebook or Twitter or answer my fan mail.

I don’t condone plastic surgery. Isn’t that a staple of being famous?

I’m not a serial dater. I change my hairstyle more than I change boyfriends (I’ve had this hairstyle for years. Case closed).

I’m not selfish. Unlike the 90% of celebrities who have no interest in helping others (and I don’t count the ones who “do good” to boost their reputation) , I’d use my fame and wealth to actually make a difference.

I like normal clothes. Sure, there are outfits I’ve worn that other people don’t have the guts to wear, but never anything I have to special order or keep refrigerated (see: Lady Gaga).

I don’t like gossip or drama. Sorry, Perez.

I don’t take inappropriate photos of myself. See: Miley Cyrus. Or Vanessa Hudgens. Or Paris Hilton. Or…

I have a vast vocabulary. So, like, that means I can, like, hold a intelligent conversation or, like, something like that.

I have morals. No comment necessary.

 

Perhaps it doesn’t matter. Maybe my brief stint with fame at age 10 will be the extent of my celebrity-ism. But you can bet the day I become rich and famous things are going to change in Hollywood.

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Filed under Celebrities, community, Cynicism, Entertainment, humanity, Humor, Lists, Society