Tag Archives: Hitler

5 not-so-last-minute Halloween costumes (to get started on for next year)

With Halloween a day behind us (feels like a year to me), it’s time to start plotting for next year’s festivities. Because sometimes crafting the perfect Halloween costume isn’t always the easiest (or quickest) thing. Sometimes the logistics of pulling it off are just too difficult and/or time-consuming (like me trying to sew my own patchwork dress for my NBX Sally costume…the day I needed it). Sometimes it takes 364 days to create the ultimate of all ultimate costumes. And sometimes I just forget to write blog posts in time to make them relevant so I have to pretend it was intentional (because I’m not waiting another year to write this). Sorry if I have a life outside my blog and I didn’t get to this in time. J.K. I have no life.

Moving on.

It’s a rare thing to witness someone out and about during the weeks and days leading up to Halloween decked out in a seriously kick-ass costume, and it’s probably even rarer that you’re the one donning the unique garb, but with enough planning and plotting, it is possible to be that super-rad person on Halloween with the costume no one forgets and everyone wants a picture with. Here are my top 5. You can thank me later.

1. Hitler. When I picture someone dressing up as Hitler, I picture the little kid from Eurotrip. I don’t think anyone could be that adorable as Hitler if they tried, but it would be amusing to watch. Honestly, I just want to witness someone getting the crap kicked out of them by a bunch of Jews for dressing up as Hitler. Did I just say that? I’m going to hell. But you LOL’d, so you’re coming with.

2. Santa Claus. Because when have you ever seen Santa running around on Halloween? That’s what I thought.

3. Barbie (or Ken, depending on your sexual preference). This is especially easy if you’ve already molded and shaped yourself with so much plastic surgery that you’re practically unrecognizable as a human being anymore. All you need to do is throw on a blonde wig and you’re good to go.

4. A bag of Halloween candy. This idea is super awesome and super original. If done right, you may even win a few costume contests, and if you stage it correctly, everyone will love you for all the free candy you’ll be handing out all night. Just make sure you stop by my house first. I like Reese’s and Crunch bars.

5. A double rainbow. No explanation necessary. Please refer to the double rainbow song.

I would continue on with more Halloween costume ideas, but frankly, it’s bringing me down talking this much about Halloween after Halloween is over because there are still 364 days of not-Halloween to get through before it’s Halloween again.

How many times can you say Halloween in one sentence?

Anyway, you will just have to wait until next year for more, so sit back, relax, and don’t eat all your Halloween candy at once, because this guy did and, well, look what happened to him.

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Who I would go back in time to be (and who I would avoid while I’m there)

The future holds so much unknown. And that can be both exciting and scary all at the same time. But the past is someplace mysterious and intriguing, because we know a little bit about what it was like and who lived there, but we’ve never experienced it for ourselves. The future, we get to experience that with every new day, but the past, what has come before us, we will never know. I would love to time travel one day (it will happen, just wait. cars are driving themselves these days, so time travel is next on the list). There are so many people I’d want to go back in time and meet, but even more, I think I’d rather be them. People like:

I love him so much, I'm torn between wanting to be with him and wanting to be him.

William Shakespeare. He is my literary hero. Plus I’d like to put those plagiarism rumors to rest (for good).

Joan of Arc. Cool chick.

Edgar Allan Poe. True horror at its best.

Benjamin Franklin. That man accomplished a shit-ton of good things in his lifetime. Plus, I’d like to go back and keep him from mentioning the idea of Daylight Saving Time. It’s stupid and I hate it.

Sacagawea. Smart chick.

Aphrodite. She was the goddess of love, hello.

Jesus. Y’know, to see if he really did all that.

 

People I neither want to be nor want to run into:

Adolf Hitler. He wasn’t a very nice guy.

Reverend Jim Jones. Gives me the creeps just thinking about what he did.

Joseph Stalin. He was a bad guy or something.

Michael Jackson. Too soon?

 

Unfortunately, no one has invented time travel yet. So until they do, I suppose I will have to be content with being myself. Except when I’m pretending to be someone else.

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