Tag Archives: ambition

I’m probably just lazy and unmotivated but let’s pretend that isn’t true

I used to be so much more ambitious.

I am now the biggest slacker I’ve ever been in my entire life, and I’m pretty much working more than I ever have. How does that make sense?

Maybe it’s because I had more free time when I was younger to devote to writing and sending out pieces to publications and submitting to contests and other things of that nature. I hope that’s what it is, because if it isn’t, that just means I’m getting lazy. Which I completely endorse when it’s regarding anything else, but I refuse to accept that excuse when it comes to my writing. When I was in college, and my only job was to be a full-time student (and even with my various part-time jobs on top of that, I still had plenty of free time), I had all these opportunities to write and get my work out there for others to read. And now, I can’t even keep this blog up-to-date, let alone get anything published anymore. It’s incredibly frustrating.

I swear, the more I become an educator, the less I am a writer. So much of my time during the week goes towards being at work or planning for work or taking classes to further my credentials so I can keep being paid to work. I wonder how other people find the time to do the millions of things they do, even when they work 48+ hours a week like I do (which I realize isn’t a lot, but really, it is when you aren’t salaried). Part of my problem I think is that there are so many other housekeeping things to get done during the week that by the time I come home and do all of those things, I’m exhausted and all I want to do is either lay on the couch and relax or go to sleep. It’s hard to force yourself to get back into a routine when it’s so much easier to just do nothing.

*****

Okay, so I just went back and reread a post I wrote two months ago and it is basically almost exactly the same as this one, except I don’t make as many excuses. I am the worst writer ever. Recycling topics that weren’t even that good the first time around? Seriously, what is my problem? I should basically just give up on my dreams of ever becoming a full-time writer.

But I won’t do that, because then what would you read to entertain yourself late at night when there’s nothing better to do? I think instead I’ll go churn out some more terrible blog posts and maybe a depressing poem or two. See you guys in about another month and a half…

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