Monthly Archives: March 2013

Happy (re)birthday, Jesus; Happy Easter, my peeps

I’m not really sure I understand this religion to begin with; society is immoral and ungrateful, so instead of punishing the wrongdoers, God sacrifices his son? And the wrongdoers are supposed to learn from their mistakes by, what, being able to publicly flog, torture and crucify a man/god? Okay, whatevs you say. Maybe I’ve got it all backwards, but usually when someone does something wrong, they are the ones who should be crucified. I mean, punished. Er, whatever.

ANYWAY, I guess it’s a good thing, though, because without his murder, I mean sacrifice/crucifixion, er, yeah, he wouldn’t have risen and given us the opportunity to create such a candy-bearing holiday as Easter.

Now that I’m officially going to Hell, here are some Easter-type pictures I randomly assembled to dazzle you while you gorge on Easter goodies.

Always a classic.

Always a classic.

Can't decide which bunny I'd rather have show up at my door today.

Can’t decide which bunny I’d rather have show up at my door today.

I like turtles.

I like turtles.

Did Jesus even have a mom?

Did Jesus even have a mom?

Stay crucified, my friends.

Stay crucified, my friends.

Bunny poo never looked so delicious.

Bunny poo never looked so delicious.

In this society, no comment required.

In this society, no comment required.

I have been waiting for you all year, friends.

I have been waiting for you all year, friends.

Can’t wait for it to be tomorrow, when all the Peeps go on sale! Nom nom.

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How I would want to be shipwrecked, or lost to sea (and a brief book review in between)

So I read Life of Pi and watched the movie version in about the course of two days (which is impressive for the book, not the movie; who takes two days to watch a movie?) and, while it’s not something I’d go around hoping to have happen, I think it would be somewhat interesting to be shipwrecked as Pi was, especially in the manner and specific circumstances he endured.

I’ve never really come close to anything super tragic in life, that I can remember. I was in a car accident once, which I wrote about here (and was shortly thereafter totally blowing up on Freshly Pressed, which, for you fellow WordPressians, you know how much of a big deal that is), and I broke my arm pretty badly when I was a teenager, which sucked and completely ruined the end of my freshman year of high school (but what can you do? I became RoboJulie 3,000 and had to spend the next few months at home with my arm in a machine) but neither of those experiences were truly life-threatening, end-of-the-world-type ordeals (though they may have seemed so at the time). So the idea of experiencing something (and surviving, hopefully) as life-changing as what Pi did (which, the jury is still out on whether it’s a true story or not; the author makes it seem like it is, but everything else I’ve heard leads me to believe it’s fiction so who knows) is not necessarily appealing but definitely intriguing.

1024x1024 life of pi 13I can’t decide firstly if I’d want to be lost to sea or simply shipwrecked on an island (think Tom Hanks in Castaway). They each obviously have their pros and cons; if you’re lost at sea, you have a higher risk of being eaten, swallowed up by a storm or simply dying of thirst.

You also have a higher chance of being found, in my opinion. If you drift long enough (227 days, in Pi’s case), eventually you will be discovered by a boat, or reach land (hopefully the shores of some place densely populated and non-cannibalistic). If you’re stuck in one place, like Tom Hanks (and Wilson), unless search parties know exactly where to be looking for you (which they didn’t in his case), you’re basically screwed. You’re screwed either way, but that’s besides the point.

Of course, your chances for survival also depend on your circumstances up to the point, and even after, your ship (or plane) crashes. Pi got lucky that his lifeboat was so well-equipped with supplies; he probably would have died of thirst long before he could even consider being eaten by Richard Parker (who, for those who haven’t read it, is NOT a cannibal-man, but a Bengal tiger).

If he hadn't tried to leave the island, he never would have lost Wilson. Makes me cry e'rytime.

If he hadn’t tried to leave the island, he never would have lost Wilson. Makes me cry e’rytime.

Although, (spoiler alert), if I’d just lost my entire family to a shipwreck, and had no real chance of going back to the home and people I once knew, I probably would have hung out a little longer on the only island I happened to stumble upon (even if it was a carnivorous one). If I shipwrecked onto an island initially, I probably would have just stayed there. If someone wanted to find me, they could, but when you have a pal as great a listener as Wilson, who needs real people? I never really liked people that much anyway, though, so that could have something to do with it.

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The mindoverMadness Poetry Series: Lost to Sea

So I finally finished reading Life of Pi, which was absolutely amazing and I couldn’t put it down and so read in a total of two days. I started reading it five years ago, when I first bought it. I was taking a fiction seminar class in college, the only sophomore in a class of juniors and seniors, and everyone kept referencing this book, life of pie or something or other, and I wanted to know what all the hype was about so I ran out and bought it and began reading. For some reason I cannot recall, I wasn’t into it, or didn’t feel like reading it and put it down and forgot about it. Then, they made a movie out of it, which I still have yet to see- I wanted to finally read the book first. Which I’m glad I did. Anyway, this post isn’t about the book and how great I thought it was (maybe I’ll do another post later about that), but I wanted to share a related piece of poetry that I wrote some time ago now (I’ll share the original version, not the edited, chopped-down one that I later turned into a tattoo) about being lost to sea and how, in the end, we are all the same sort of monsters, unidentifiable in our demise (or something like that). Enjoy!

 

Lost to Sea

Men sail blind through late fall storms

Past cold ruins of first attempts

They try to steer through wood waves

Strange paths and gut sense their lone guide

 

Fiends of the deep lurk in the wake of cut sea

Grab blades and thick net

But not strong enough to kill the beast

Peer off Port side but gasp at the same eyes that stare up

False limbs reach up and wrap their prey

 

At the depths men are well fit

They are all the same here, man and foe

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3 ways to make job hunting easier (and possibly land your dream job)

So first off, I know what you’re thinking: two posts in one day, is this girl crazy?! Yes, I am, but that’s neither here nor there. I am here and you are there, so I figured I’d share with you my heres to entertain you over theres.

My last post was kind of brutal; very cynical and bitter and pretty much a downer to anyone pursuing a college education, and for that I am sorry (for you, not me, I stand by every word I said, er, typed).

But amidst the anger and frustration, I actually do believe a college education is a beautiful thing, and if I had an endless supply of green, I’d probably take classes forever (don’t forget, the previous post was all about how MY college degree is worthless, but that doesn’t mean I’ve completely given up on the institution as a whole, although it could definitely use some fine-tuning but that’s chatter for another day, another blog post).

Moving on.

In between my bouts of giving up and feeling melodramatically melancholy, I am actually looking for a “real” job (still have yet to clearly define a job as being “real” so we will have to settle for the air quotes for now and call it a day). Having recently moved from sunny Florida to, er, sunny California (all that schooling and I can’t find an adjective better than sunny? sigh), I’m basically in the midst of figuring out what I want to do with myself in my new state, figuratively and literally; I’m digging this state so far, great weather without the crappy Florida humidity, and the people are much more on my level than the general population of the Sunshine State (at least that time it wasn’t my lack of clever descriptive words). Wait, so if Florida is the Sunshine State, what is California? Excuse me while I Google… ah, okay, the Golden State. Not that original, but none of them really are, now are they?

Getting back to the point. What’s my point again? Is this why I can’t find a job? Shit.

Okay, so job hunting. It’s never really a fun thing and it can tend to become very frustrating, especially if you’re currently unemployed and are becoming desperate, but just remember everyone, at some point in their lives, has been or will be where you currently are. Try to maintain a positive outlook and know that, eventually, you will find the right fit (and all those rejection letters that came before just weren’t meant to be, no matter how badly you thought you wanted them). Here are a few tips to get you going in the right direction:

Edit your resume. Before you go sending your resume out to a bunch of potential new bossman bosses, take a quick scan over it to make sure everything on it is current, accurate and relevant. Did you move? Did you change your phone number? Even little things that seem as insignificant as that are important, so make sure all of your information is correct. Then, take a look at your work experience, education and even extracurriculars. It isn’t necessary to have every job you ever had listed on there, but whoever’s doing the hiring is going to want to see some relevant experience,  so make sure that stuff’s on there. If you don’t have any relevant experience (if you’re switching careers or fresh out of school), that’s okay too. Make sure you show you have general work experience, that you know what it is to work hard and accentuate the skills you already possess in a way that makes them relevant to the position you’re applying for. You will have to work a little harder to prove you can handle something you’ve never done before but it’s not unheard of, so don’t lose faith in yourself. Just remember, always be honest about what you’ve done and what you’re capable of doing, even if it doesn’t seem like it’s enough. It’s better to have a resume that’s a little lighter, one that might not get you the interview, than to beef your resume up with lies and get called out on it later.

Set goals. It’s important to give yourself something to work towards. It could be that you want to apply to a certain number of jobs a day; it could be you’re holding out on quitting your current job until you find the right one, not just the next one. Whatever it is, have a goal(s) in mind to keep you motivated and positive. You’d be surprised how much stress is eliminated when you have a plan.

Be persistent. This is especially important if you’re currently unemployed. It’s important to remember that something will come along eventually; it may be when you least expect it, but if you remain active in the search, eventually something will come your way. After all, everything is a numbers game, and if you send out enough resumes, something is bound to come back. The hardest part isn’t finding any ole job, it’s waiting for the right one to present itself, but it’s not going to unless you stay at it and remind yourself that there is a purpose to your search and you are accomplishing something just by looking and inquiring, even if at times you feel like you’re getting nothing done. You are. Before you know it, you’ll go on an interview or two (or three, no big deal how many it takes), and then you’ll be getting ready for your first day in a new career.

When it comes to the actual interview, though, you’re on your own. I come across much better on paper (I am skilled with the written word, after all) and tend to get really nervous during interviews (I think it’s all the pressure to impress). All I can tell you is dress appropriately, be confident and be yourself. Talk about yourself in a positive, yet humble, way that lets your interviewer/potential new boss know that you have the skills and knowledge they’re looking for and that you would be an asset to their team. Try not to be fake, because if they do hire you, you’ll have to keep up that fake persona and that’s just never a good idea. No one is better at being you than you, so I’d lead with that. Unless you’re a serial rapist or an axe murderer, then I’d be someone else.

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2 reasons why my college degree is worthless

A year and a half ago, I was ecstatic to finally be leaving the realm of education. After spending roughly 20 years of my life in some form of schooling or another, it felt good to finally hang up the “student” hat and step out into the “real world,” whatever the hell that means (because apparently I’ve been living in a fake world this whole time?).

But now, a year and a half later, I’m no better off than I was before I earned that expensive piece of paper they like to call a diploma (which is somewhere buried beneath a pile of random stuff, still encased inside the special envelope it was mailed to me in). Four mediocre jobs and lots of credit card debt later, I’m back to square one, with no job, no money and no real reason why I should believe my college education is going to save my ass, especially in this economy.

Now, don’t get me wrong, in a lot of ways, a college degree is very useful. Like, say, for using to brag to all your non-educated friends, or for using as kindling to start a fire when your electric is turned off due to lack of payment (see: insufficient funds).

But I feel there are several good reasons why my college degree is completely and utterly worthless, some of them being:

A college degree doesn’t guarantee you a job. Basically, there are no guarantees in life. I get that. But I sure wish someone would have warned me before I wasted five years of my life and thousands of dollars of my dad’s hard-earned money (thanks though, dad, really, I appreciate the support) that the piece of paper I was busting my ass for would only marginally help in getting a halfway-decent job. Classroom learning is important but I’ve always believed life experience was more vital when it came to knowing a profession, especially after all the times I’ve been told there are no entry-level jobs when it comes to publishing, that you have to know what you’re doing before you do it (which obviously makes no sense and clearly supports my belief that experience is more necessary than education), which brings me to my second point:

I graduated with (one of) the most useless majors. Don’t get me wrong. I love English literature and clearly I love writing (who would actually waste their time writing a blog this cynical if they weren’t finding some sort of pleasure from it?) but having a degree in it is like having a degree in cat-napping; you can’t actually do anything with it, except go on for more schooling. Or maybe be a teacher, but even then you have to jump through more hoops and are simply better off with an education degree. A Bachelor’s in English nowadays is a good foundation for any other type of degree or major, and if I was planning on being a lawyer or a psychologist or a publicist, it would be very useful in providing the groundwork I’d need to go on to pursue those careers. But heaven forbid I actually want to utilize the degree as is and have a job that means something without putting myself in student loan debt and spending more years in a classroom. It’s basically impossible. Finding a job in my field (whatever that means) is like finding a needle in a haystack, cliched as it sounds (hey, when you’re this stressed, you can’t think in anything other than cliches). When I was a student, I never had to worry about landing a “real” job, because whatever crap-ass job I was working while attending classes didn’t matter, because there was always the promise of something better that was just out of reach, waiting for me after just one more class, just a few more credits. But sitting around as a broke, unemployed college grad doesn’t exactly scream success, so what’s a bitter, almost-twenty-four-year-old like me to do?

Ok, screw this “real world” business, I’m going back to school.

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Filed under Cynicism, Entertainment, Humor, Uncategorized