Last year, in the true spirit of Halloween (whatever that means), I wrote the epic 10 movies to watch with the lights on, which, for those who never read it, you need to go review. Right now. I poured my sweat and blood into that post, losing sleep for days to write and perfect every single word, so the least you could do is read it.
Okay, it took me like 5 minutes to write, but still, it’s worth a read.
Anyway, now that you’ve finished reviewing last year’s list, let’s get on with this year’s top 10.
Last year I advised watching said movies with the lights on. Because I know you are probably a big scaredy cat and can’t handle watching scary movies in the dark. But this year I challenge you to the ultimate horror test. Watch them alone. In the dark. Okay, well maybe not alone, but definitely in the dark. I know everyone can’t be as tough as me. I watch these things alone like it’s my job. Which I wish it was, cause that’d be the coolest job ever. Anyway, getting back to the list.
Now, just as a disclaimer, I can’t repeat any of the movies I quoted last year; that would just be silly. Then there’d be no point in writing this entry because you could just go read last year’s and save everyone a load of writing, reading, editing and rewriting (and re-editing). So, if you think about it, this is actually the next 10 in my never-ending list of scary movies to watch, after last year’s 10, which were the first 10. Are you following?
Before I confuse myself any further, here is the next installment of the top however many movies to watch with the lights on or off, alone or with other people.
10. Young Frankenstein. Everyone loves a good Frankenstein movie, and what better one than the Gene Wilder version? He’s crazy enough by himself but add one of the most iconic monsters of our time and you’re set for a great night at the movies. Of course, you will most likely be watching this at home on your computer and not in the theaters, because it’s from the 70s and what theater is showing movies from the 70s? So yeah.
9. Disturbia. Not a true horror flick, but definitely one of the better thrillers I’ve seen in a long time. Whether you’re a Shia fan or not, this movie is pretty great, and it’s one of those movies that make you never want to trust your neighbors again, so it’s pretty realistic as far as thrillers go. Just be careful you don’t turn into a super stalker, because more than likely your neighbors aren’t interesting enough to be killing people in their basement. Unless you live next door to me.
8. The People Under the Stairs. What a freaking weird flick. I bought this movie on DVD years ago thinking it was going to be some dumb scary movie attempt, and there were times when I mourned the $10 I spent on it, but this movie is super creepy. Wes Craven never fails to deliver, and this movie is no exception. I suggest watching in a large, open room, one devoid of any nooks and crannies someone could be lurking in.
7. Jaws. Maybe not the scariest movie ever created, but I doubt there’s anyone who can honestly say they don’t give it a second thought when they’re swimming in open water. I’m a diver and even I freak out at the surface when I can’t see what’s below me. You never know what’s lurking beneath the inky blackness of the sea. Thanks a lot, Steven Spielberg.
6. The Descent. Maybe not one of the better-done horror movies out there, but this movie will terrify you if you’re a) claustrophobic b) afraid of the dark c) afraid of being trapped underground d) afraid of being hunted by creatures you can’t see. Oh yeah, and e) afraid of being eaten alive.
5. Silence of the Lambs. They say serial killers usually keep a trophy from each victim. Well this one ate his. A classic horror movie, usually at the top of most people’s lists. Although if you grew up with a name like Clarice, you probably hate this movie and all the times people called and said “good evening, Clarice” in that creepy Hannibal Lecter voice.
4. Hostel. Some people can’t handle this type of movie. Maybe it’s because it puts the all-too-real idea of being kidnapped abroad and tortured to death right in front of your face. Or maybe it’s the explicit scenes full of sex and gore that blend together in such a twisted manner you don’t know whether to be turned on or throw up. Not for the faint of heart.
3. It. Ah, the original killer clown movie. Well, one of the better ones. This movie is why grown men will not let their kids have clowns at their birthday parties. Reverting back to the old school horror movie standards (and another Stephen King classic), this movie has just the right amount of visual scare, leaving plenty of room for your imagination to do the rest.
2. The Hills Have Eyes. This movie is quite disgustingly awesome. It has the right amount of gore and scare and is possibly just a tad too f*cked up but it’s a good movie to watch this month. Just don’t be surprised if you never want to take any road trips after this one.
1. Halloween. Michael Myers is one of the classic killers of our time, and he deserves a certain level of respect around this time of year. Try and swallow the fact that Jamie Lee Curtis is a terrible actress in this film (well, in most films, but this isn’t a critique of her acting abilities, it’s a scary movie list, so get over it), because there’s nothing scarier than a mute masked madman menacing a mundane midwestern town. Oh, you like alliteration? You’re welcome.