5 should-be requirements to run for president

When the RNC came to town last week, I felt compelled to watch “the baseball glove’s” closing speech (that, and my boyfriend made me). Unsurprisingly, the entire broadcast made me hate politicians that much more (not to mention lose some serious respect for Dirty Harry). I’ve realized the more I watch and follow the politics in this country, and even abroad, the less hope I have for humanity. It’s astounding how much faith we put in politicians. I understand the pressures of being in such a position are extreme and it’s usually easier said than done to follow through on the promises they’ve made us, but quite frankly I’m tired of listening to these egotistical buffoons going on about all the things they will do for us if we elect them into office and then never seeing any follow-through. With the presidental election looming, it’s more apparent than ever that there needs to be a set of obvious requirements the candidates must meet before even being considered to run for office. These requirements should overrule any other conditions involved in determining eligibilty, because, if you can’t meet these simple conditions, I don’t want you running my country. Here are several big ones:

Vote for me. Even a rabid panda would be more successful as president (and yes, that is my head).

1. A presidential candidate must know how many states make up the U.S. This one should be pretty obvious. If you don’t know how many states you’re presiding over, how are you supposed to accurately and positively impact them? Maybe everyone makes mistakes and miscommunicates their thoughts but you’re the president, you’re not allowed to make mistakes.

2. A presidential candidate must be able to produce valid proof of citizenship. I’m still unconvinced of our current prez’s “claimed” place of birth, so this is something that should be worked out before they even enter the race. I’m sorry, but if that’s even a question, if there’s even a shadow of a doubt as to where you came from, you probably shouldn’t be nominated.

3. A presidential candidate must have at least a high school level vocabulary. Maybe it was funny when Bush did it (though, as an English and writing major, I was never laughing), but even with a teleprompter and endless writers at your disposal, you still need to communicate correctly.

4. A presidential candidate must remain humble. No one wants an egotistical butthead running their country, telling them what to do. This one is tough to validate, because few politicians are humble, but this requirement could be waived if they prove worthy in other areas.

5. A presidential candidate must always keep the nation’s best interest in mind. Even if they pass 1-4, it’s very unlikely (at least in recent years) that the president will ever truly put what’s best for us ahead of his own agenda. Which brings me full circle to my original argument that no politician ever keeps their word. So basically we’re all screwed. I think I’ll vote for myself this election.

VOTE BODWELL 2012

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