Monthly Archives: March 2012

“My” dog is better than your dog

I love dogs.

I remember my dog Ninja. She was my best friend growing up. My dad got her before I was even born, and she died at about the same age I was when I broke my arm (clearly not a lucky age for either of us).

Since Ninja, there has never been another dog to come into my life (and stay). One time I got close- my dad and I adopted Yager, a Pitbull mix. But we decided we couldn’t give him the time he deserved and, after a magical week together, we had to take him back to the shelter- I hope someone has since found him and taken him home to a loving environment, because, despite what most people think about Pitbulls, he was the sweetest, funniest, most adoring dog you’ll probably find these days.

But since I’m forever stuck with my neurotic cat, and not a loving, cuddly dog, I’m content (for now) to live vicariously through my brother and his awesome bulldog Vader.

Now, I still have yet to meet Vader in person (oh, the difficulties of living states away from your family), but I’ve seen pictures and videos and heard stories and one look at this dog’s face is enough to make you melt.

I mean, for real, look at that face.

So what’s my purpose, here? Well, obviously it’s to gloat about how awesome my nephew Vader is and to make you go “awww” and maybe even shed a tear of pure love, but mainly, I want Vader to be voted Bulldog of the Year.

And he’s already in the lead (I know, too cool, I’m about to be “related” to a celebrity), but he needs your help to keep him there.

So click here now, and vote for him.

Or I’ll sic Vader’s friend, Darth Maul, on you.

 

UPDATE: Vader won the contest and was named Bulldog of the Year! Thanks to everyone who voted. 🙂

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Filed under animals, Entertainment, Humor

Unnecessary sadness

So I’ve been having a heart attack since about 1030 last night. I went to log in to my blog and found that it was deactivated. I just about died right there on the spot.

I know no one really gives a rat butt about my blog- except for you, reading this right now, and my faithful followers, whom I am extremely grateful for and thankful to have, you guys rock for not only caring about but enjoying the Mad things I write about- but to me, my blog is my whole world (well, maybe not my WHOLE world, but a large portion of it).

So to find it was deactivated (that word still makes me shudder) for no apparent reason made me burst into tears and cry. And cry. And cry. And call my boyfriend and cry. And cry some more. Then go to bed and wake up this morning with puffy eyes (attractive).

To add to my misery, I woke up this morning to some generic email from WordPress saying (and I quote) “Your site was flagged by our automated anti-spam controls. I have reviewed your site and have removed the suspension notice. We are very sorry for that happening and the inconvenience it caused you.”

Inconvenience? How about you made me cry. I thought my life was literally over and the world was coming to an end (okay, maybe I wasn’t that melodramatic about it, but I still cried).

I hope this never happens to any of you. And I swear to god, if it ever happens to me again, I will go through the computer screen and strangle the automated anti-spam controls for being so retarded. You ruined my night, prevented me from enjoying a peaceful and fulfilling night’s sleep and caused me to look like poop today. More than anything, you took away something I love very dearly for no reason (did I mention there was no reason for this?).

Turds.

In the end, my blog is back up and the world is at peace again (at least in my head). So now I can go back to my delusions that my blog is the coolest thing ever, you can go back to reading (or not reading) it, and the world can continue doing whatever it was doing before all this, because really, other than my boyfriend, who had to listen to me cry on the phone and did a good job of trying to calm me down and reassure me that it would be okay (you’re the best, Dan), no one else had a clue I was suffering such heartbreak.

So I hope this never happens to any of you. Because it sucks.

But if it does, please feel free to contact me. I will share in your misery and remind you that, more than likely, your blog will rise to the challenge, overcome those awful anti-spam bots and rise to be the magical blog it was destined to be.

Either that, or you’re screwed and your blog is kaput.

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Filed under Reincarnation, Restoration

Things I should stop being addicted to (but probably never will be)

Everyone is an addict. Whether they want to admit it or not. Whether it’s on a small scale or a large scale. Whether it’s a serious issue or no big deal. It varies from person to person, and we have our “good” addictions and our “bad” ones. For example, I’m addicted to singing. I can’t go a single day without singing, and if I’m in the car with you, forget about conversation. I will most likely be cranking up the radio and singing whatever irritatingly catchy song comes on. And I wouldn’t consider my addiction to singing a bad one at all. Obviously. But among the positive things I’m addicted to, there are, of course, the negative ones, the ones I should really cut out of my life but don’t have any intention of.

Red Bull. It fluctuates between one a day and just one every once in awhile, but in the end, I know that shit is terrible for you, yet I drink it anyway. I look at it this way: I don’t smoke, I rarely drink, I don’t do drugs, I don’t drink coffee, so why not let Red Bull be my one vice? Everyone else has them (I hope you’re reading this, mom. stop telling me to quit. I can’t. see: addict).

Shopping. I’m not buried in debt. Thankfully I don’t have any student loans to pay off or any seriously expensive bills- no car payments or mortgage payments here- but I am lumped in with pretty much everyone else in that sometimes I spend more than I should (usually on things I can’t afford, anyway. hello, credit cards. dad, if you’re reading this, don’t kill me, I’ve stopped asking you for money). Now that I do have more financial responsibility than in years passed, I am trying to be more frugal and watch what I spend my hard-earned dollars on. I’ve gone from maxing my credit cards on clothes and handbags to begrudgingly using them to buy food when I’ve spent all my money on bills. Wah. The former was more fun.

Sweets. Don’t get me wrong, my meals tend to be very healthy and modestly-portioned, but I can’t help snacking on deliciously sugary things like candies and chocolate. At least I balance it with exercise and proper sleep. Usually.

I’m starting to resent myself for a lack of will power, so I think I’m done now. Plus I’m running out of things that make sense to write about, and I’m tired of staring at my computer screen hoping something brilliant will pop into my mind. Because it won’t. All I really want to do now is chug a Red Bull and go shopping so I can buy something sweet.

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Filed under Entertainment, Humor

Why women have it better

Several weeks ago I wrote a post about why men have it better– one that certainly caused a mini-debate in the blogging world. The general consensus from the women (the few there were who had something to say) was that I had valid points; the general consensus from the men was that I was ill-informed and wrong. Although, how an opinion can be wrong, I’m not sure (when by definition, an opinion is never wrong). Nonetheless, I’m prepared to take another internet bashing- and something tells me it will be from the men, again- so, as promised, here’s why I believe women have it better:

We’re not as hairy. Aside from the few areas of the body women typically shave/wax, we don’t have to contend with gross back hair, chest hair, etc., and for the most part, our arm hair and leg hair is way finer and and nearly undetectable. Thank the lord.

This makes me giggle.

We’re more stylish. True, there are plenty of men who have good taste in fashion, but these are usually gay men or seriously metrosexual men (and let’s face it, they’re usually on a completely different level than us fashionistas). I’m not saying guys don’t have the opportunity to dress nice and look handsome- trust me, my boyfriend definitely knows how to pull off dress pants and button-down shirts- but women still represent the majority in the fashion industry, and I doubt that’s going to change any time soon.

We can do that whole “sex as a weapon” thing. Not that I condone it, but it’s true. Women are typically more powerful in regards to sexuality, and we will definitely hold it over your heads if we need to.

We don’t get charged cover and we get to drink for free. I’m sorry, but have you ever heard of “Guys’ Night?” Didn’t think so.

We are more mature. I bet a 10-year-old girl is probably more mature than a 30-year-old man. Just sayin’. Sometimes your immaturity is endearing and humorous, but most of the time it’s just annoying and frustrating, i.e., grow up.

If it wasn’t for us, men wouldn’t exist. There may be some serious downsides to having to be the one to carry the burden (literally) of bearing children, but we are the ones who hold the power of life. We need you for about five seconds (and not even you, just your best swimmers) and then we do all the work from there, repopulating the world and making sure there are always too many mouths to feed.

Basically, there are pros and cons to both sides. I don’t really think men have it better than women or women have it better than men. But I do enjoy sparking debate with my controversial thoughts, and there are definitely times when I loathe men for some things and other times that I simply laugh in their faces for not being quite as good as me. All in all, I like most people. Unless you’re an asshole. Or a suicide bomber. Or a rapist. Or President Obama.

P.S.- Happy International Women’s Day! For just today, all you men reading this and loathing every word have to appreciate me (and all the other ladies in your lives) for being a strong woman and contributing to society in every way that I do (hey, I contribute in minor ways, I just can’t think of what they are right now). You can go back to hating me tomorrow.

P.P.S.- if this is the CIA, please don’t throw me in jail for defamation, I’m simply exercising my First Amendment rights, so piss off.

P.P.P.S.- Cheers!

13 Comments

Filed under Entertainment, Humor, Lists, Opinion, Society

What I want to be when I grow up

When you grow up, you eventually have to pick a profession and (somewhat) stick to it. At least for a little while. The problem for me is, there are so many different things I want to do with my life, it almost seems impossible to pick just one. I’d like to think I’ll have a chance to at least fulfill some of my dream careers; who knows, maybe I’ll even get to be them all. What are they, you may ask?

"Look what I found over here!" Practicing my skills of an archaeologist in Egypt.

An archaeologist.  Specifically an Egyptologist. Since adolescence, I’ve been completely captivated by everything Ancient Egyptian. When I spent a week in Egypt, I just wanted to explore beyond the ropes and barricades, to explore what the tourists weren’t allowed to see, to discover something exciting for myself.

An actress. The least likeliest of the bunch, this is actually the one I want the most. Unfortunately, the risks out way the percentage of succeeding (and I’m talking Hollywood), and it’s just not feasible to go after this dream right now. Sure, you can argue that if you have a dream you should always pursue it, but this is one I’d actually have to be willing to commit my entire life to, and I’m just not ready for that. Maybe in another life. Or a few years. Whichever comes first.

A psychologist. I’ve been told I give pretty good advice, and I like helping people, so I figure with an actual education in how to evaluate people and help them with their problems, I’d probably make (and enjoy being) a really good psychologist.

An interior designer. I love decorating and design. Maybe enough to make it a profession, maybe not.

A teacher. I’m not sure yet if I want to teach at the college or high school level, but I know I want to teach. I had a writing teacher in high school and an English teacher in college who both impacted me in such positive ways, I owe most of my determination to succeed as a writer to them. Mr. Johnson and Prof. McDermitt, if you’re reading this, thanks for giving me the nudge I needed to go after what I love.

Check out my mad photography skills. I could totally see this picture in Nat Geo Mag.

A photojournalist. Although I don’t photograph nearly as much as I used to when I was a teenager, I love taking pictures and, of course, I love writing. My ultimate dream job would be writing for National Geographic Magazine.

A business owner. I’m talking non-profit, though. This I’m actually working on, but it will probably be quite awhile before I can actually get the project off the ground and out of the planning phase.

An author. I’d like to think this is one that will definitely happen for me. Sure, I’ve published other works before, but never a novel. I suppose it’s just up to me to actually finish one of the many works I’ve started. One day. For now, I’ll keep blogging like my life depends on it.

A lawyer. I often wonder if I am conniving enough to be a lawyer; I would want to be able to put some justice back in the justice system, but I know it’s not so black and white. There’s a lot of grey area I’m not sure I’d want to be involved in- like getting a murderer off free just to win my case.

One of these days I’ll hunker down and get serious about one (or two, or three) of these. Personally, my money’s on the actress. If only Hollywood would discover me already, geez.

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Filed under Career, Dreams, Entertainment, Jobs, Lists, Society