Celebrities aggravate me.
They are out of touch with reality, and truly believe the laws and rules set for the rest of society simply do not apply to them. They act inappropriately and gain more recognition. They live above everyone else, setting bad examples and in turn causing 12-year-olds to dress like hoes, destroy valuable brain cells and overall become vapid and useless to society.
But despite their annoying-ness, there seem to be certain standards (or lack of standards) that come with the job, ones that I would never be able to uphold and thereby make me completely unsuited to prosper in the business. Why, you may ask?
I don’t do drugs. Don’t count on a long drawn-out court case fighting my latest DUI, bouts of rehab or an E! True Hollywood story documenting my long, difficulty journey from coke head to star citizen.
I always wear underwear. No chance of the paparazzi gettin’ a shot of this kooka.
I would actually make time for my fans. There’s no way I’d let someone else manage my Facebook or Twitter or answer my fan mail.
I don’t condone plastic surgery. Isn’t that a staple of being famous?
I’m not a serial dater. I change my hairstyle more than I change boyfriends (I’ve had this hairstyle for years. Case closed).
I’m not selfish. Unlike the 90% of celebrities who have no interest in helping others (and I don’t count the ones who “do good” to boost their reputation) , I’d use my fame and wealth to actually make a difference.
I like normal clothes. Sure, there are outfits I’ve worn that other people don’t have the guts to wear, but never anything I have to special order or keep refrigerated (see: Lady Gaga).
I don’t like gossip or drama. Sorry, Perez.
I don’t take inappropriate photos of myself. See: Miley Cyrus. Or Vanessa Hudgens. Or Paris Hilton. Or…
I have a vast vocabulary. So, like, that means I can, like, hold a intelligent conversation or, like, something like that.
I have morals. No comment necessary.
Perhaps it doesn’t matter. Maybe my brief stint with fame at age 10 will be the extent of my celebrity-ism. But you can bet the day I become rich and famous things are going to change in Hollywood.