Why I would make a bad celebrity

I just truly was not prepared for this!

Celebrities aggravate me.

They are out of touch with reality, and truly believe the laws and rules set for the rest of society simply do not apply to them. They act inappropriately and gain more recognition. They live above everyone else, setting bad examples and in turn causing 12-year-olds to dress like hoes, destroy valuable brain cells and overall become vapid and useless to society.

But despite their annoying-ness, there seem to be certain standards (or lack of standards) that come with the job, ones that I would never be able to uphold and thereby make me completely unsuited to prosper in the business. Why, you may ask?

I don’t do drugs. Don’t count on a long drawn-out court case fighting my latest DUI, bouts of rehab or an E! True Hollywood story documenting my long, difficulty journey from coke head to star citizen.

I always wear underwear. No chance of the paparazzi gettin’ a shot of this kooka.

I would actually make time for my fans. There’s no way I’d let someone else manage my Facebook or Twitter or answer my fan mail.

I don’t condone plastic surgery. Isn’t that a staple of being famous?

I’m not a serial dater. I change my hairstyle more than I change boyfriends (I’ve had this hairstyle for years. Case closed).

I’m not selfish. Unlike the 90% of celebrities who have no interest in helping others (and I don’t count the ones who “do good” to boost their reputation) , I’d use my fame and wealth to actually make a difference.

I like normal clothes. Sure, there are outfits I’ve worn that other people don’t have the guts to wear, but never anything I have to special order or keep refrigerated (see: Lady Gaga).

I don’t like gossip or drama. Sorry, Perez.

I don’t take inappropriate photos of myself. See: Miley Cyrus. Or Vanessa Hudgens. Or Paris Hilton. Or…

I have a vast vocabulary. So, like, that means I can, like, hold a intelligent conversation or, like, something like that.

I have morals. No comment necessary.


Perhaps it doesn’t matter. Maybe my brief stint with fame at age 10 will be the extent of my celebrity-ism. But you can bet the day I become rich and famous things are going to change in Hollywood.



Filed under Celebrities, community, Cynicism, Entertainment, humanity, Humor, Lists, Society

8 responses to “Why I would make a bad celebrity

  1. I support you 100% and hope you are rich and famous soon. We need some changes in Hollywood and then you can go after the professional sporting community.

    • Thanks! I’m thinking I’ll take on movies & music first, since I actually have some talent there and might stand a chance. Then I’ll see if my high school soccer skills can hold up against the pros. 🙂

  2. That’s when you lost, when you said you always wear underwear. Enjoy your normal life!

  3. buskattungen

    it was amusing to read all your comments to why you would be a bad celebrity – hope you become one so more normal people can “take over the world”

  4. Ahmed

    Great post! I loved that bit about having a vast vocab, made me laugh!

  5. Emma Semple

    I totally agree with this! It disgusts me that parents let and in some cases encourage their children (mostly daughters) to wear clothes that make them look like they are selling themselves. The fact that this comes from their ‘role models’ such as Miley Cyrus is just wrong, children should still be dressing and acting their age at age 12.

  6. While I agree with you on everything you said – I’m sure many celebraties did not expect to ever act like the Paris Hiltons’s of the world. I am sure some hoped and prayed they would never change, that they would remain down to earth!

    If you do become famous, make sure to print this blog and stick it to your dressing room door!

    Have a great week!

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