Why I envy my cat

My cat is the laziest thing I’ve ever seen. Her days consist of eating and sleeping, and her nights consist of, well, the same.

Probably her favorite sleeping place. My chair has a permanent sag to its cushioning and an ever-present sheen of white fur coating every inch.

It must be nice being a cat. Specifically, it must be nice being a domestic cat, one who has been tamed and house-trained and has generally lost all sense of how to survive in the wild (see: scaredy-cat). For Felix, her biggest fear is getting to her food bowl and finding it empty, or worrying I won’t come home from a weekend away and she will starve (which I think is impossible, as she weighs about 100 pounds, give or take). While I worry about paying bills and where to go to grad school, she worries about whether or not she’ll fit through the cat door to get out onto the balcony (her favorite place to stretch out and nap). When I have to drag my ass out of bed in the morning for work, begrudgingly forcing myself from my haven of pillows and blankets, she’s busy fleeing from one sleeping spot to another, settling back down for another ten-hour nap. I go to yoga and she goes to sleep. I try and clean up the apartment and she poops on the floor. I run errands and she goes back to sleep. I try and cut back on snacks and she eats more everyday. I go to work and she goes to sleep again. You can see she has it so tough.

Like most cats, Felix is moody. She likes to be petted and cuddled on her terms, and don’t even think about picking her up. As I’ve had her for almost nine years, I’ve learned the ways of pleasing her- and pleasing myself (I love animals and dream of nothing more than snuggling up next to them)- but for others, she can come across as bitchy and mean. And she definitely can be. But more than anything, she is simply neurotic. She will randomly run around as if chasing something, or being chased, or she will  jerk sporadically while in a state of relaxation, as if spooked by some invisible monster. In some ways, her personality mirrors mine. But unlike me, her erratic behavior is entertaining and sometimes endearing, and people seem to love her more because of it. She can get away with it because she’s a cat. In some ways I envy her. Her day-to-day seems boring at times, but I’ve never been able to sleep that much and not feel like crap. At times when the stress of life can get overwhelming, I look over at Felix, asleep on the couch (or the table, or the floor, or all over my stuff) and curse her for having it so easy.


Although, I think I would get tired of eating the same kibble day after day.



Filed under animals, Cynicism, Entertainment, Humor

11 responses to “Why I envy my cat

  1. I envy how FAT your cat is!! My NYR is to make my cat gain weight. i hope that doesnt sound bad, but I just want a chubby little muffin. Right now, she’s so petite lol.

  2. Even i also thinks the same, “My cat is the laziest thing i have ever seen”. This post was a fun to read. Since my child hood, there is always a cat in my home, who is the most important member of our family. Currently i have two. And They make life beautiful for each one of us. Even i wrote a post about one of my cat’s in my blog. But yours post was a funny one, while mine was bit sad.

  3. What a lucky creature Felix is. Sigh.

  4. It’s a cats life!!! I think our cats could be good buddies – although there could be some arguments over the primo sleeping spots!!!

    • I agree- sometimes I will get up from the couch and when I come back, Felix has stolen my seat! Plus she sheds everywhere, so no matter where I try and sit I always get up with white fur stuck to me.

  5. Love this-you have got to read my blog post, “Just pet me while I eat.” Totally on the same page with the cat envy… http://justwheat.wordpress.com/2010/03/14/just-pet-me-while-i-eat/

  6. I wish I could rub up against people’s legs and not get funny looks. That’s another advantage they have over us. That and always getting their chins scratched by strangers.

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